DMV--Your New Names Dictionary

DMV is probably one of the most hated places on earth. On July 26, I had the privilege to find out why.

I had to get my driver's license renewed. At the Santa Clara DMV, I pointed out that my name on the renewal notice was wrong--it was missing a hyphen.

The lady behind the counter told me the name didn't matter. All DMV cared about was my driver's license number.

I wasn't sure if that addressed my concerns. So I asked her whether she can just add the hyphen. Then an interesting conversation followed:

Clerk: "I can't. When I typed in your driver's license number, that's the name that showed up in our system."
Me: "Uh, I don't understand--my name on the current driver's license has the hyphen. Are you saying my name has changed in your system? How can that happen?"
Clerk, impatiently: "We use a new system now. We now use your name on your passport."
Me: "Uh...but that is not my name on the passport. My name on the passport has a hyphen."
Clerk: "I told you, that's the name our system shows, then that is your name!"

Then the clerk printed a paper with my name and address on it and asked me to verify the information.

Me: "Uh...you asked me to verify this...? But I just told you, the name is wrong..."
Clerk, very impatiently now: "yeah yeah, don't worry about the name. Do you still live in the same address?"
Me: "Yes, but..."
Clerk: "OK then, take this and wait in line to have your picture taken."

Just like that. DMV gave me a new name. Perhaps you should consult with DMV next time you are trying to name your newborns.

What's with this no-hyphen crap? I bet Tiffani-Amber Thiessen wouldn't be happy about this.

I have got to go back and get my name corrected. Damn DMV.